The Tick

• Ah ha-ha, chess. The ancient contest of wits. Two opponents: mano a mano. Braino a braino. And look: magnets for ease of travel. You could play chess on the moon.
• Ah, savory cheese puffs, made inedible by time and fate.
• And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit.
• And so, Arthur, we learned that gambling is bad and yet in a certain sense, isn't life itself a gamble? You can never be sure of anything. Like who would have thought that dolphins could go bad and that fish were magnetic? Not me, no sir, not me.
• And so, may Evil beware and may Good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables.
• And that's just it, Doc, my mind has always been my Achilles' heel!
• ARTHUR! Honk if you love JUSTICE!
• Arthur, is this a warm moment or should we be disturbed?
• ARTHUR! Monkey outta nowhere!
• Arthur, you have no historical perspective. Science in those days worked in broad strokes. They got right to the point. Nowadays, it's all just molecule, molecule, molecule. Nothing ever happens big.
• Blood covers The City like a big red afghan.
• But 'Helping-People' used to be my middle name.... The Helping-People Tick!
• Can't lose my name, it's on all my stationery!
• Clark! Hi! I made you an ashtray!
• Deadly Bulb. I'm about to write you a reality check. Or would you prefer the cold, hard cash of truth?
• Don't make us bite you in hard-to-reach places!
• Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception.
• Gravity is a harsh mistress.
• Heh, heh. Those darn ninjas. They're wacky.
• Hmm . . .I'm not too up on my whale anatomy, but I don't recall them having two metal rails in their stomachs. It's probably a blue whale.
• How dare you! I know evil is bad, but come on! Eating kittens is just plain... plain wrong, and no one should do it! EVER!
• I AM MIGHTY!
• I don't know the meaning of the word "surrender!" I mean, I know it, I'm not dumb... just not in this context!
• I feel just like Uncle Wiggly!
• I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli.
• I'm going to throw a chimney at them...
• I'm taking off the kid gloves, and putting on the very mad gloves.
• It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, or heavily-fried food.
• My God!! A gigantic well-dressed digestive enzyme! I am in a whale!
• My God! I HAVE POCKETS!
• Mustache, I will NOT be mocked by you!
• Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them.
• Ninjas can breathe underwater! They can dodge bullets at point blank range! They can walk up the sides of buildings! They can install telephones!
• On your knees, Vodka zombie!
• People say that I'm out of touch with reality. That I'm insane. Sometimes I forget things. Who I am. Where I am. Unimportant things. But I'm not insane. I am a tick.
• Roof pig! Most unexpected.
• Sanity, you're a madman!
• Secret crime viewfinder engaged
• So, foul gelatin, you would do battle with the nose of your birth?!
• This is what we call the dénouement. That's French for "when we beat up the supervillain."
• To life, liberty, and the pursuit of heaviness.
• Wait a minute! You guys are all ninjas!
• We are not two men... we are TEN men!
• Well folks, there you have it: a day in the life of a superhero and his sidekick. It's a very long day, the tights are uncomfortable...I think we covered that before. Map light: convenient and essential. A lot of working with villain motifs. Crime has a bossa-nova beat. Leap before you look. Remember, dénouement. Other French words: inconvenient, not-essential. Well, I could go on and on and on, but time's a-wasting, and evil's out there making handcrafted mischief for the swap meet of villainy. And you can't strike a good deal with evil, no matter how much you haggle. We don't need to look for a bargain. Goodness is cheap, because it's free, and free is as cheap as it gets. CUT!!
• You can't possibly see through my disguise, Billy. This is a hypnotic tie.
• You know Arthur, it's really been quite a day. From the outside, on the surface, oh sure, we were pursued by Swiss Industrial Spies, trapped in the belly of a whale. But what really pursued us. Where were we really trapped? COME ON ARTHUR! GET META WITH ME! What pursued us were our own obsessions I'm good. You're evil. I'm a superhero. You're a sidekick. I'm a woman. You're a man. What does it all mean? NOTHING! And where were we all trapped? I'll tell you where Arthur. In the belly of love! Love chum, LOVE!
• You know, when a tomato grows out of your forehead, it gets you thinking. What do we know about anything? Life is just a big, wild, crazy tossed salad. But you don't eat it, no sir, you LIVE it. Isn't it great?! Isn't it GREAT?!
• Why am I here? Why does my mind have wings? Why do blue midgets hit me with fish?!
• Wow. Clark's fortress melts.
• [To Arthur] You’re on a first-name basis with Lucidity. I have to call him Mr. Lucidity, which is no good in a pinch.
• Yes, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can't let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!
• You know Arthur, there's nothing so cruel as a kindness falsely given.
• You know, though today was the worst day of my life, I learned many things. First, the world looks a lot different when you're six inches tall and covered with feathers. Second, two heads are definitely not better than one. And finally, you can lay eggs and still feel like a man.